Ep: 28 Recovering Your Joy From An Energy Vampire
Ep: 28 Transcript
Intro
Sharyn 0:02
Welcome to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. We are talking about recovering your joy from being an Energy Vampire. An Energy Vampire is very different than a Narcissist, but there is some overlap. Here you will learn clearly how to identify if you or your friend is even one, and how to heal. If you suspect you are an Energy Vampire and want to change your ways. Let’s get started!
What Does An Energy Vampire Do?
Hey, everybody, welcome back to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. I’m really happy to have you here today! I have been receiving various communications from various people. And this past week, I received a note from a beautiful lady named Lacey. And it looks like it came from California. And I’m going to read this to you: I loved the last podcast about Energy Vampires. I have a very well-meaning and lovely friend who’s sucking people dry. Would you do a podcast on how to reclaim your energy if you’re the Energy Vampire? I think you’re right – they’re good people having a bad time.
I was so excited when I received that! First of all, because we now know our podcast is reaching a little bit further than just the borders of Alberta, which is really kind of fun and really nice. Hey, Internet! Oh, I guess it’s good. Second of all, this Energy Vampire podcast, go and listen to it. It’s episode number 27. This is number 28 that we’re doing right now. And today we’re going to talk about recovering from being an Energy Vampire. But I want to make something very, very clear first, so, a little housekeeping. I will be drawing a card at the end of this podcast. So sit tight, don’t go away. Don’t forget to stick around so that you can get your message for the week or the weekend because these go up on Thursdays. What I want to identify is the very clear difference between an Energy Vampire and a Narcissist. And narcissistic as you know, I’ve done lots of topic, lots of podcasts – I think 3 or 4 of them on Narcissism. And the reason I did it on Narcissism was simply because there just seems to be a trend. There’s a lot of people running into narcissistic personalities out there and they’re getting hurt. And so it was just kind of a heads up how to recognize a Narcissist, what to do if you’re involved with a Narcissist, what different kinds of Narcissists are there. However, Narcissism and Energy Vampires are very different on Narcissisism is a mental disorder. They are not curable. You cannot fix them, okay? Please people listen to me when I say this, you cannot fix them. Walk away. Narcissists will hurt you. Yes, they drain you dry, yada, yada, yada, but they will hurt you. Their intent is to take everything you’ve got. That’s good. So they want to drain you they want to demean you. They want to devalue you, they want to make you less than they are, because that’s the only way they can feel good. On the other hand, an Energy Vampire has similar characteristics, but they’re curable, because they’re normal people – as this woman said – having a bad day. Okay, Lacey, thank you so much for your input and for sending me that note.
How Do You Recover From Energy Vampires?
In my research, as I was researching how to overcome being an Energy Vampire how to get away from having the kind of interactions you’re having… because let me tell you, we know when people are reacting poorly to us, when we’re just draining them. We know because they let us know. You know, when I was doing this work, I ran across written work that I came across by a young lady named Melanie Oliver. And Melanie is from England, and she specializes in women’s healing, the from the root healing root cause issues. She’s absolutely brilliant. And she’s been featured in all kinds of different magazines like “Health and Fitness”, “Timeout”, “Choices”. “Hype”, “Viva”, “Good Housekeeping”. So I mean, this woman has got some skills! And so I wanted to go to her and talk about her remedies or how, what it takes to actually recover from being an Energy Vampire. Okay, so just to give you a little more background on her, she has a Bachelor of Science, in honors in Complementary Therapies focused on Health Science from the University of Westminster, London. And she also completed a VCTC diploma in Complementary Therapies, still a whole college in Birmingham, UK, and was nominated as Holistic Therapist Student of the Year. So this is her passion. This is what she loves. She’s working as a Holistic Therapist, spiritual guide, inner work emotional empowerment, and trauma healing coach. She’s been doing it for around 15 years. So she doesn’t look like she didn’t do it for 15 years. She looks like just really, really young. One of the articles she wrote was how to stop being an Energy Vampire. So what I’m gonna do – Energy Vampires – let’s just go a real briefly into what is. What is it? How do you become an Energy Vampire, first of all, and what is an Energy Vampire? And I’ll stop talking so fast so you can actually understand me, okay?
How Do You Deal With An Emotional Wound?
I know, emotional wounds that are not healed and consciously integrated can play out as Energy Vampires. And so basically, if you’re unconscious of any emotional wounds you might have, and you’re not seeking to heal it – maybe because you’re unconscious of it – you’re going to be seeking toxic validation instead. Which means you want someone that emotionally satisfies your wounded needs. And that’s where Energy Vampires can begin. So you have wounds – internal wounds – that you have not addressed. You’ve not worked on. Maybe your unconscious of. It’s very important that you sit down and you determine Am I an Energy Vampire? How do I interact in people’s lives? The bigger the wound that you have, the more you need to drain people to quench your need. So if you think about it – and this is the way Melanie puts it in her article – is think of the Energy Vampire within like a tapeworm. It makes you emotionally hungry and gives you specific cravings, which is the toxic validation for feeling superiority, righteousness, control, etc. Now superiority and control etc. Those are also narcissistic. But just remember, Energy Vampires are people having a bad day – Negative Nellies, Debbie Downers, you know, Negative Norman – those type of people. You think that in a healthy sense, you’re getting your emotional needs met. But in fact, you’re just feeding the Energy Vampire within you when you’re with people that you’re draining, which only grows and gets bigger when the more you feed it. So it turns into an emotional addiction. It can become a perpetuating cycle. So if you are an Energy Vampire, or you believe you might be an Energy Vampire, you really want to listen up to this, okay? So just like a drug addict, you can become emotionally addicted to the toxic validation from others that feeds this emotional lung. Now, as long as you’re not aware of it, it’s gonna grow. And it’s always good to seek the next fix. Just like any addict, you’re willing to do whatever it takes -compromising your integrity, blaming others, projecting their hatred, shaming, selling yourself short, sucking other people’s energy to get your emotional addiction met. Drug addiction – if you’ve been around drug addiction – you know how hard it is to lose someone to drug addiction. How hard it is on them, how hard it is on you. And you can see that they’re not themselves, they’re totally consumed by their addiction. Well, it’s the same with an Energy Vampire. So asking one to stop feeding off people’s life forces is like telling someone to stop eating. They might get triggered, defensive, and they might have a feeling that you’re going against them, abandoning them, or that you just don’t understand them. Over time, this emotional wound or vampire desire, vampiristic desire will consume you. It takes over your psyche, influences your behavior, your choices, your decisions. And you think you’re doing all this consciously when in fact, you really are working out your emotional wound – you’re possessed by it. When you’re deeply wounded and unconscious of it, you can’t see yourself and how you’re behaving. Sometimes your friends will try to tell you, but then you become, basically become a defensive. So to become aware of where you might be energetically and emotionally vampires, remember you have to have – this is important people listen up – a sincere desire to know yourself. You have to want to see yourself, see your behavior, own your behavior, see your attitudes and acknowledge your emotional wounds. And it requires you to look within at your underlying motives for your actions and your behavior rather than outside of yourself. When you have any form of emotional reaction or addictive impulse. Now we’re living in a society that always looks outside of themselves. We don’t look internally but in this case you have to. The problem is most people want their emotional addictions met. They LIKE their emotional addictions. They don’t see it as a problem. People see it as harmless. But if you look at the bigger picture, it’s exactly what keeps you stuck in a negative pattern. Okay? If you don’t desire to know yourself, you will not allow yourself to see yourself and how you are energetically vampire-izing others. (It’s a terrible word, isn’t it?) Those parts of you will hide from you, and you will use all sorts of justification. Intellectualizing, rationalizing your behavior, your attitudes, your choices and your decisions. How many Emotional Vampires hide themselves under the guise of holistic practice That’s big! The holistic studies around the world has gotten very active. People working in healing and health, psychic work, mediumship… and egos are running rampant! Because let’s face it, when you’re working in a negative, toxic level, you’re working from your ego self. You’re not working from your soul self. Your soul self, your spirit self, your energized psychic self. So you’re using your head, not your spirit mind. Right? Makes sense. Okay? So you’re going to be defending, you’re gonna get angry and judgmental of those that won’t let you drain them dry, when in fact, if you really take a look, it’s, it is YOU that is completely in the wrong and being unloving emotionally.
What Are The Signs Of An Emotional Vampire?
So here are a few questions to reflect upon. If you’re vampire-ising others emotionally. If you’re not sure that you’re an Emotional Vampire, just listen to these questions. And you can always pause the podcast and start writing some of this down. So do you constantly call your friends only to complain endlessly criticize others? Or have a rant about your problems? So you’re basically calling them to dump your emotional baggage on them? Or are you quick to criticize and put down everything anyone says that is positive? And you’re gonna have to really pay attention when you’re talking to people out there so you can identify. Or do you get mad when your friends say no, that boundaries are not able to be there for you when you need it? Do you find yourself constantly talking when you meet people, going from one story to another without giving people the time or space to speak? Do you see how this could be confused for Narcissism? Because they’re also, the overts are also big braggarts, etc, etc. But it’s a different energy. So do you find that you constantly need acknowledgement or validation from others? So for example, if you cook a meal, or you constantly ask anybody, how was it? How was it? How was it? Do you like it? Do you like it instead of giving them a chance to try it? And tell you what to think? Do you love a bit of gossip and eager to share gossip when you hear it? (Hmm, that’s a bad one. That’s a really bad one gossip. It kills people. It’s terrible.) Do you find friends avoiding you, constantly canceling on you, or keeping you at arm’s length?
When People You Love Stop Communicating?
That’s a big one right there. And that’s a sign that a lot of people, you know, we’re coming out of COVID Now, or we’re coming out of the days of COVID. We’re in March 2022. And so that one’s not as applicable right now. Because we’ve been avoiding our friends. And we’ve been constantly canceling on everything.
Another one, do people all of a sudden stop communicating with you? They block you or they refuse to communicate with you? But they don’t explain why? Well, it’s because they don’t know what to say to you. Another one! Do you get upset when your friends don’t see your heavy judgment of others the same way you do? So do you get upset when you say, Oh, I think that she’s this as they say, Oh, I don’t think so. Do you get upset by that? Or if they defend or stand up for their behavior actions in relation to you? Have you been told you’re too clingy? Or emotionally needy? Do you have a tendency to emotionally blackmail? And threaten your friends and family to do what you want? (That’s a bad one too.) Do you secretly love creating drama or making a big fuss out of nothing? And the last one, do you find yourself avoiding or holding yourself responsible? Oh, what a word! 2022! Responsible or accountable for hurtful things you’ve done, and twisting the bad behavior making yourself the victim instead? Oh, yes!
How Do You Set Boundaries With Energy Vampires?
So! Melanie created five steps to stop acting as an Energy Vampire. But remember, the very first thing you have to do is identify the fact that you might BE an Energy Vampire, and decide you WANT to change. If you don’t want to change, or if you’re somebody that knows an Energy Vampire, and you want them to change, don’t give them this podcast if they’re not interested in changing because it won’t make any difference. Okay, number one, as I said, desire to heal. All healing starts with having a desire to heal, because you have free will. And you can choose. It’s a choice you make inside your heart, not in your head. In your heart. You can choose to heal. And just as easily as you can choose to engage in your emotional addictions. It’s a choice. It’s a desire to grow and evolve spiritually, mentally and emotionally. And this means that you must take emotional responsibility and accountability for your actions for your behavior, how you treat people and how you treat yourself. Set a sincere heartfelt desire to know yourself. And follow this up by healing your emotional wounds associated with these vampire-istic traits that come up. The only way to break this energy sucking pattern is to heal the core of these wounds. So when you truly want to know yourself, you will start to see yourself and have insights into how you’re behaving in ways that energetically drain others. Which brings me to the second point, I want to bring something up here. If you believe you’re an Energy Vampire, you have the ability – think about this people – you have the ability to heal the wounds! To heal from within. Become that transitioned person, become that person everybody loves to be around. And be a teacher to others who are struggling with the same emotional wounds that you were struggling with. And this, and struggling with their vampiristic Energy Vampire addiction. You have the ability to teach. Don’t back off of your own learning. That’s how we become powerful, and you have a choice. So become aware of your vampire addictions, you must start developing self awareness. Starts with what has already been said – a sincere desire to know yourself and see the traits no matter how ugly or ashamed you feel. Just remember, it’s not about shaming yourself. Since you do have at least the intellectual desire to look within and do the inner work to heal, evolve and become a more loving person. Now, after reflecting on the questions that I already gave you, if you answered yes to any of them, notice when you feel these emotional impulses, the need or urge to act in the same negative, vampire-istic pattern that perhaps you see in others. And you can start with intellectual awareness by reflecting on these behaviors, and where you’re seeking toxic validation. And perhaps journal about this and where it might stem from. Journaling is so important! At the end of every day, you know, what I would do is, open up your journal and on one page, write down my negative interactions today. And on the other page, write down my positive interactions today. Keep doing that for a month, and then start reading through your journal and only read the negative. And you will discover if you are an Energy Vampire. You’re going to learn real quick! If you’re judging other people for being an Energy Vampire, it’s, it’s highly likely that you also play out these traits on some level, or perhaps in a different context. So contemplate on that too. So the third point, learn to listen. You know, honestly, that’s one of the most difficult traits for people these days. I’ve sat in different meetings or different settings where people over talk over each other. And it’s because they everybody’s not feeling heard. Nobody’s feeling heard. And so learning to listen requires humility. And it becomes… also true listening really requires empathy as well. So being humble, empathetic, gives you the opportunity. And that’s the thing about Energy Vampires that the Narcissist does not have – an empathetic genetic connection. They don’t have that button. But you do! As an Energy Vampire, Energy Vampires do. So learning to listen is not just about hearing the words, but feeling the other person and being mindful what’s not being said. Perceiving if they feel uncomfortable in any way. That’s how you can pick up where you may be starting to drain others and not giving them space. So for example, if your vampire trait to drain people is by nonstop complaining, or speaking too much. You’ll notice after a while the other person may seem a little distant, almost disassociated or not fully present. And this is the moment where you must catch yourself and draw the boundary on your emotional addiction. Did you understand that? So disassociating people that you’re complaining to they just all of a sudden their eyes glaze over? Yeah, well, maybe you have to start drawing the boundary. If it’s someone you trust, feel safe with and you love, you can do step number four, which we’re gonna get to in a minute. Now, if the other person has plucked up the courage to share with you how you may be draining them. Listening is also listening without thinking about how you will answer to defend yourself, which is what most people do. And again, that’s our culture. They defend by justifying their behavior or unconscious intent, that those that truly love and care for you will tell you the truth. Even if they know it might hurt you. Initially, they’re calling out your addictive pattern, or vampire traits and not attacking your essence, which can feel like an attack when you’ve identified with the emotional wound. Plus, you know, in your heart when someone is being sincere, or if they’re intentionally trying to hurt you and put you down. Again, listen up – you have to learn to listen and be humble. It’s really, it’s really important. When you know and feel the person is being sincere about these emotionally addictive traits, you feel this and the empathetic listening part is where humility is needed to truly listen and receive, okay?
How Do you Practice Setting Boundaries
Okay, so here’s some of the exercises… so set some boundaries for yourself. Once you become aware of how you energetically vampire-ize others, create a list of boundaries for yourself what vampire-istic behaviors will you no longer engage in? Question one. Question two, what boundaries can you set in place for yourself to support you? Question three, what healthier behavior or action can you replace this with? Okay, if you notice you’re an emotionally draining someone you love, and you feel safe, being vulnerable with them. expose this vampiristic trait. Share that you’ve become aware of this negative pattern and realize is not healthy, perhaps make an agreement that anytime you or your friend notices your inner vampire emerging, you’ll both stop and take a moment to be present. Set a neutral boundary, hold a space of compassion for this wounded part of yourself and don’t allow you to engage in emotional addiction. Now, patterns are formed over repetition repeat addictive behavior. Okay, so let’s say for example, you, let’s say you still can’t believe your ex broke up with you three months ago. And whenever you get together with your girlfriends, you bring him or her up, and you steer the conversation towards emotionally processing what they said and did every single time.
How Do You Get Rid Of An Emotional Vampire?
You may even exaggerate stories and heavily judged them in the hopes to get toxic validation from your friends. Toxic validation would be them agreeing with you, right? Your friends might try to change the subject, or talk very little when you start on the topic. In order to disengage from the emotional high, to break away from your emotional addiction. You could ask your friends to hold you accountable to stop talking about this person. Wow, that’s pretty big A is over and you’re now choosing to move forward with your life if not forgiving them. Choose not to feel defensive, or to justify yourself. If your friends call you out on your promise. They can softly say, Hey, you’re bringing the topic back to your ex again. Just take a moment together and to let you feel quietly your emotions and acknowledge you’re still feeling emotional about this, then come back to the original conversation topic. Of course, it’s your responsibility after to take action and start your healing process with regard to healing your broken heart. Exposing the darkness within takes its power away just like everything else, you shine the light on anything. And the darkness is no longer there. Darkness heard this one time I don’t remember where there are no darkness switches anywhere. There’s light switches, but you don’t find you don’t go looking for a darkness switch. So of course you don’t have to do expose the darkness within. With everyone you meet you meet, open yourself to be vulnerable with people you trust and be really careful with this. Don’t do it with a stranger or even an acquaintance. Because until you heal the core of yourself, you must catch yourself in the moment and become aware of your emotionally driven impulse. Okay, the way you’re acting energetically at the moment you notice it coming up, set up a boundary for yourself by holding yourself responsible and accountable with your intention and using your will. Okay, now will is ego based, but you use your will to coerce others. So now use your will to get away from ** and others, okay? You consciously choose not to act on this emotional addiction. It helps by becoming fully present being in the now. Now right now. I like to focus on my breathing, and to notice all the feelings and emotions arising in my body. So to be present now, stop, take about five big deep breaths, close your eyes and just get calm. And the idea here is to feel how much you want to act on this emotional addiction while holding the boundary. So you want to act on it, you really do. So go in your mind’s eye… 1 to 10 – how badly do I want to act on this? Well, it’s about an 8. Maybe next week, it’ll be about a 3. Wow, that’d be all right. So, holding the boundary with your desire to heal this by basically choosing not to act. And you do this with no judgment. Don’t judge yourself harshly. Just observe and have compassion in your heart for the wounded part of you. The emotion should subside if you stay present with it long enough. And you may just become aware of the underlying reason this keeps coming up. It’s amazing when you start really looking. It’s amazing not only when you start really looking how you can heal, but how you start to really realize how long you’ve had this wound. So another example if you feel an urge to call a friend only to complain stop yourself. Take some deep breaths and it is from here that you can start doing your inner work as shared above. Feel how much you want to indulge in your emotional addiction to complain. To have a rat, or dump your emotional baggage on your friends. Feel how much you want to indulge. Sit with this feeling without judging it. Just be present with it. If you fully embrace the addictive feeling, meaning allowing it to be there without acting on it, rather than buy into it or resist it, you will find it will soon subside and you’ll naturally be able to access what’s beneath the emotional impulse to complain. (Don’t you love this? This is great!) And then number five, forgive yourself. When you start seeing your shadow traits in your ugly emotional draining behaviors, of course it doesn’t feel good! But it’s not about shaming yourself. The only reason you energetically vampirize others is because you’re wounded, and you’re trying to heal even though you might be clumsy at it. Okay? The parts of you that do this, need your love and compassion more than anything. Shaming yourself is not going to help you heal.
What Do You Do If You’re An Energy Vampire?
Okay, forgiving yourself is part of how you stop being an Energy Vampire. Once you’ve acknowledged these traits, because it allows you to move forward and to take action, you can become emotionally responsible and hold yourself accountable. And humbly on these traits, not blaming your behavior action on anyone or anything out there. This includes your circumstances, your situation, or even fear. The first part of self forgiveness requires you to be willing to feel the effect this life sucking behavior has had upon others in your own heart, and proceed processes emotionally. Second, you must, as I mentioned above, process the emotional wound causing you to act out this way. Lastly, you can then turn to yourself and genuinely forgive yourself just by setting this sincere heartfelt desire. And yes, emotions may come up here to now if you’re just starting, getting going on your healing journey, then there’s the few things there that I, I mentioned that I’d really like to be able to re-recommend. One of them is get yourself a journal, write on one side of a page of positive things about your day, the other side negative things about your day, and then do that for about a month. Really, really spend as much energy as you can in being present in the now. Allow yourself to be now oriented. When you feel the urge to dump on others. Stop. Come to the now right now and breathe. Really breathe. 1 to 10 – How bad do I want to dump on them – and try and get that number to drop down to closer to 1. 10 being the most. I really, really want to, you’re gonna screw up once in a while well, you go through this healing journey. Let yourself do that be okay. Okay, allow yourself to make mistakes, you’re human. But let me tell you again, you heal the Emotional Vampire in you that has been draining your the energy of others and pushing people away, so your life is empty – you, you can resolve that and heal those wounds that have forced this for you to act out, you become a teacher. And now you can softly go through the world in a gentle, empathetic and compassionate way. And you can teach and guide others who are struggling with the same thing, because you will recognize them. And they may just recognize you. But that’s how we learn and grow. Humans. As I mentioned before, we don’t learn through easy. We learn through contrast, conflict and challenge.
How Can You Find Your Spirit Animal?
So what I’m going to do now is I’m going to pick a card for you from the Animal Spirit Guide. And the reason is because who helps us heal more on this planet, and gives us unrequited love, compassion, who loves us, and are so loyal to us besides our pets, or the animals on the planet. They adore us, especially our domestics. But I mean that’s the way you want to become. You want to become loyal and honorable, and you want your people around you to love and respect you. So let me pick a card and the card I picked – look at this – Magic! Oh my goodness, I picked the unicorn! So here’s your message: Indulge your creative, imaginative and magical side through some form of artistic expression. What you want to do is use your imagination and visualize yourself going forward in this world in the most positive way you can and everybody responding to you with smiles, hugs, they love you, and not at toxic negative word anywhere to be found! That’s your card for the week. Until next time, thank you so much for listening to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose, and I will see you again next week. Bye bye for now.
Outro
Jennifer Gunson 28:44
Thank you for listening to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharon rose. If you will love listening to this podcast we have one little favor to ask you. Please follow us on Spotify, Apple podcasts and Google podcasts. If you love learning from Sharyn, well she’s got a few great courses that are ongoing. Why don’t you register for Kitchen Witchen? It’s on now! All you have to do for more information is go to: kitchenwitchen.ca Or if you’d like to book an appointment with Sharyn for a reading, or if you’d like to know more about Sharyn, her psychic services, coaching sessions and more workshops go to: SharynRose.com. That’s Sharyn with a “Y”. Talk to you next time!
Transcribed by https://otter.ai