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08
Sep

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Ep 38: How Do You Manifest Passion In Your Love Life?

Ep: 38 Transcript

Intro

Jennifer Gunson 0:02
Have you ever been hurt by a partner? Does love scare you? Is jealousy a big part of your experience? Previous relationships do matter. So make sure you listen to the next episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose, as she shares how to learn from past relationships that didn’t work to create a new one that does. This is all about manifesting love relationships. So let’s get started!

What Does Manifest Mean In Love?

Sharyn 0:33
Hey, everybody, welcome back to Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose! Today, we’re going to talk about manifesting love. And actually, we’re not talking about manifesting love; we’re talking about relationships. And to be frank, relationships make the world go round—your relationship with your friends, family, community, and workplace. Your relationship with yourself is primary, of course, and all of that. And then we come to love and intimacy and all of those parts of the connections. Maybe today, what I will do is focus primarily or try to focus mainly on love and intimacy. Connectors’ bottom line is that your relationship with yourself is reflected outwardly. And so if you’re not a big fan of who you are, if you’re very self-critical, if you’re, you just have a genuine downer attitude about what love looks like, or what relationships look like, in conjunction with the way you see yourself. You’re not going to draw to yourself any new connection that will be worthy of your time and energy. And it’s going to break your heart down the road. You want to ensure you’re in a good place before you start manifesting something like a relationship. So for those out there looking for a good relationship – and now remember, good relationships are a good one for you. It may not be what your mother thinks is ideal. It may not be what your sister or best friend thinks is perfect. And that’s okay. It doesn’t matter. What’s important is, do you think it’s ideal? And are you treating yourself with respect, love, and with compassion? And are your needs being met inside that relationship with yourself and with your chosen other – your partner?

Photo Of Felt Hearts

Can Parents Affect Relationships?

So, let’s go right back to basics. When we were growing up, we did a few things. First of all, we observed, we saw what was going on in our households. And if you had a combative set of parents, you’ve learned how to be confrontational in relationships. Suppose you had a single household – a single-parent household – which is not uncommon for many kids. Where mom and dad split up and you were going back and forth, or you were spending all your time with just mom, or maybe you never met one of your parents! Maybe there was a death in the family early, and you only had one parent that raised you. That’s going to alter and adjust your perception of what a perfect partner looks like. For a lot of girls, they will identify with the ideal partner being somebody like their dad. For a lot of boys, it’s somebody like their mother. And if you pay attention, look around your friend groups at the people doing well in their relationships. Now, when I say doing well in their relationships, there’s an ebb and flow to relationships; they don’t just go perfect 24/7. If that’s what you think a good relationship looks like, then don’t get one. Because the first time you have any conflict, you’re going to run, or you’re going to hide, or you’re going to find some means to dodge the bullet. But what you really want to do is look at those who look like they’re functioning. They say that they’re happy, things are going well, and look at their family background, if you know they’re his parents and her parents. And he’s just a nice guy with a bossy wife. Did she grow up with an overbearing mom? And was her dad a nice guy? So I guess I’m trying to say that we tend to draw to ourselves what is familiar because that’s what we know. And it’s the way we parent as well. It’s the way we do a lot of things. But sometimes, when we come from dysfunctional relationship environments when we’re young, we create new habitats for ourselves. We want to rewrite that script. We don’t want to be our mothers or our fathers. We want to be ourselves, and our needs might be different than those around us when we were little.

What Are Dysfunctional Relationship Beliefs?

So I’m going to assume that you’ve had relationships that didn’t work. If you’re listening to this or that, you’re currently in a relationship that doesn’t feel like it’s working. You know, even in the worst relationship – there’s hope. There is. Some associations have all kinds of little things wrong with them regarding how they communicate, how they spend money, how they choose to dine, the friends they choose to have, or the activities they like to do. I do hope that when you meet somebody, you will be drawn to the same sorts of things, activities, etc. Because you want to be able to do something with your partner, you don’t want to be some kind of; you’re going in one direction, they’re going in another one, because that makes for an exciting relationship that can also work. Okay? That can also work. But it takes work. And often, there’s an imbalance there. And so I’ll talk later on about dysfunctional relationships. I want to talk about yourself, how you present yourself inside a relationship, and what your fears are. What are you afraid of when you enter a new relationship or even when you’re looking for a new one? Now, I’ve got to tell you something; you guys all know that I’m, you know, heading into my 70s here, and I have never online dated. Okay? To me, that’s a whole new concept. And I understand that it’s essential for many people now. And particularly with the two years we just came through. With COVID, there were a lot of places that were shut down. But to be frank, the online dating game was quite active before COVID. It’s been around for a while. And there are some success stories; some people have had excellent luck with the online dating world. I find that I don’t have that for me to step in with expertise on how to do the dynamics or how to manage the techniques of the online dating world. I don’t have that for you. But what I do have for you is how to deal with you and how you can step into your power center. And how you can allow yourself to stroll past and over some of the relationships you’ve had that are dead and gone, that didn’t serve you, and why they were important in the first place.

What Are Barriers In Relationships?

Okay, so make sure you’ve got a pen and paper handy. There are a lot of things that stop people from having a relationship. And one is rejection, fear of rejection. And the fear of rejection is a massive fear of being rejected and the fear out, you know, so many people will pull the rejection card. So because they can see their partners losing interest, or the person they’re dating is losing interest. So they’ll pull the rejection card and push them away to protect themselves. Rejection is a painful experience. I’ve been there, done that. And I want to clarify something here, too. I’m not a marriage expert. I’m not a counsellor in that regard. I’ve been married twice, three times. I’m still married. So the third one’s what I consider a success story. In the first two, lots of lessons were learned. And my first husband’s a perfect friend. I just love him dearly. I love his wife dearly. We have typical kids and common grandkids, and we get along superbly. Really, well. My second husband is in the wind; I have no idea where he ended up, but which is fine. That’s okay. I learned a lot in that relationship, too. But what could I take from those relationships that help lends lend themselves to me today to have a more successful marriage? And this marriage I’m in now I’ve been in for 30 years, we’ve been together? I think 32 years we’ve been together. So something’s working? Are there things I’m not comfortable with? You bet! Are the things I’m not happy with? You bet! Is there a chance down the road even that I’m at 70? That we would end up in different directions? Possibly, I don’t know. But it can happen. So the first thing is, when you get into a relationship, you can’t have a lot of expectations. Now, a lot of us hold our own feet to the flame. A lot of us think we have to be perfect. We tend to look at ourselves whenever somebody rejects us or walks away from us, says no, ghosts us or says I’m not interested. Sorry. We take it personally. We think it’s our fault. There’s something wrong with us. But we wouldn’t think that way if we had good self-esteem if we were feeling worthy. And we felt, you know, it’s kind of like relationships are kind of like pretty much anything, you’re either good at it, or you think anyway, that you’ve got to be good at it, or you’re not good at it. That’s not the way it works. Relationships, because it’s a dynamic that involves more than one person, and you cannot control another person or walk their walk. There has to be a merging of the minds. There has to be some clarity given, etc., etc. But the first clarity you require is the clarity with self.

How Do I Stop Being Afraid Of Rejection In My Relationship?

So are you afraid of rejection? Do you have strange beliefs? Like, love just isn’t going to last? It’s just not. Maybe there’s an abandonment issue that is in your history. People died around you when you were very young. And now, when you love somebody, you’re scared because you’re sure they’ll just leave you. Are you a jealous personality? That’s enough right there to push a lot of people away. But jealousy – where does it come from? How did you become a jealous personality? It sounds like you had somebody cheat on you, let you down, or hurt you in some way that created jealousy. You know, jealousy can come from being married to someone very invested in their friendships outside of your religion. Kinship, somebody who maybe is very sports oriented, who loves their golf. And so they spend as much time on the golf course with their friends as possible. So when they get downtime from work or time off, that’s where they go. And you feel like if you aren’t going to take an interest in that sport, you’re going to get left behind, but it’s not something you want to do, or they discourage you from doing it. That has happened a lot, too. So there’s a scenario where you must decide, do I have enough self-love or self-worth? Do I know how to love myself enough? Can I learn to trust myself and know I’m good enough to always be comfortable with them on the golf course? And then make quality time when we are together and create an environment I’m thrilled about for me. So this touches a little bit on my relationship because my husband is a boy. He loves his buddies. His friends are his world. And he also loves golf. So I joke around all the time, and for the last 30 years, have joked that I’m a golf widow; he will go golfing before he will do anything else. Golf is his thing. And I have learned to develop a healthy respect for his golf because through my neediness, which had been divorced twice, remember, through my lovely little self, I learned that seeing him happy. What gave me the opportunity for some downtime in the relationship was for me to do things that made me equally happy. We do have very different interests. But we also have some powerful common interests. For example, we love to travel. And we love to travel to similar places. When I went to England to go to school, I studied for a couple of weeks that I was there. And then David, I met David at the airport, at Heathrow, and we spent the next – I think it was a month touring Europe. We went to Spain and did all of London; we just had a blast. So there’s something there that we had in common. That was a lot of fun. We also went to the Channel Islands to meet Dave’s family that he has there. Because that’s where his ancestral home is, we did many fun things. So we have something in common there. We love to travel. Now, getting back to the golf. What I love to do is I love downtime for myself. I love to bake; I love to cook. There are all kinds of things I enjoy doing. And I will do those things when he goes golfing, or I might go for a walk or call up a friend and go for lunch. Or I might; there are so many things that I can do. The other option is I could just sit here and moan and groan and whine and whimper because he’s gone golfing. Now, let me tell you something. I didn’t learn how to do this overnight. It took a few years because I wasn’t crazy about some of my friends with whom my husband was golfing. Well, those guys have fallen away now. And the guys that he does golf with are just dynamite. They’re good people. They are also married, have strong relationships, and respect me and me. So there’s that too. If the people your husband is hanging out with are contrary to your relationship and not supporting it, that can be detrimental. So if there is something that your partner likes to do and that you’d like to keep them doing, you have to first really love yourself. And having excellent communication with your partner about how you feel helps. A lot of times, it creates a fight. It causes a lot of ambivalence. It makes

a lot of contrast, but it also brings results. We, as humans, you’ve heard me say this before, don’t learn through easy. We learn through conflict, contrast and challenge.

Do Long-Term Relationships Have Ups And Downs?

So that’s just one of the minor issues. And do you think we don’t have any other issues? Of course, we do. We, nobody, make it 30 years in a relationship without trying to resolve the other problems. And even now, we talk about retirement, have different plans, and have entirely different projects. We’ll see where it goes. I’m not worried about it, and he’s not concerned about it. We’ll just see where it goes. The upside is that we are excellent friends. I love him, and he loves me. And we’ll see where it goes. But in your particular case, it’s essential to understand your significant others cannot be your end-all-be-all for everything in your need bucket. You have to provide some of your joy. You have to give all of your happiness. And then enjoy your partner when they’re with you. We have this idea. If you clench your hands together, link your fingers and grasp your hands together. You can see how intertwined your hands are. And if you try to pull them apart without unclenching your fingers, you can’t get them apart. They’re stuck right now on unclench your hands which means you have to release your fingers, one partner, the other partner, and then bring your hands together so that they’re meeting, they’re together, they can hold each other. But there’s a gentleness there, not that grasping or clinging, that goes on, and you can move your hands apart anytime you want. Sticking together is not suitable for our relationship; the hands coming together and moving at will, is ideal for a relationship. But if you have a jealous personality or are very insecure, you will not have much fun in a relationship. You’re going to want to hang on to them. You’re going to want to put a leash around their neck because you want to be able to hang on to them. You don’t want to be left, and you don’t want to be deserted or abandoned. And if you have excellent self-esteem, you will allow them to walk their way, and you walk your way. And should the two of you decide that one day? Oh, well, this is done? Okay, it’s done. Be okay with that. Our culture is bustling and bitter. There’s a lot of breakups that I’ve seen, where people come out of it, and they’re sore, and their partner’s painful, and there’s hate, and there’s anger, and there’s frustration, and there’s sadness, and there are all kinds of things it’s true, you’re not going to be when you’ve had a long term relationship. There’s going to be some emotions, of course. The better you feel about yourself, the better you will survive it. The challenge you have, and that we have in our culture, is that the first relationships we had when we were younger where we are wounded, and the other partners will get it; it doesn’t matter who left the relationship; you’re both injured. And we carry those wounds forward into new relationships.

How Do I Stand Up For Myself In A Relationship?

So what I’m suggesting to you is that you want to learn to stand up for yourself in your loving relationships and be able to be strong. So get a pen and paper, write this stuff down. You want to remember, I know many people break up in a relationship, and they throw it away and say, Well, that was that and it’s done. And it’s over. And I’m not going to think about it again. But you must address the end of that relationship to determine how did it end? How did it end? What was the end of the story? And write it down. Write it down! And if that wasn’t a very long relationship, go to the one before that. And write it down. Well, how did that one end? And then I want you to go to the very first romantic relationship that you ever had when you were probably in high school or just afterwards at college. I want you to write down how that relationship ended. That relationship is very often very significant in how we move forward. And how we bring forward into relationships, for example, and I’ll give you this example because it’s hilarious. I was in a relationship with a man when I was 17. And I was an old virgin, by the way. I was there were no sexual encounters with him or any of that. But I was in love. Oh my gosh, I was in love. And I was in love with him for about two years. But he broke my heart. He ended up well; cheating was a part of his game. That’s what he did. And he was blond and blue-eyed and handsome. And I just thought he was the end of the world. I loved him. And what happened was that he ended up going off with somebody else, and I ended up going off and crying in my pillow. And not allowing myself to, not allowing myself to heal. I just carried the wounds around for a long, long time. And I promised myself, somewhere along the way, that I would never date a blond-haired, blue-eyed man. That sounds trivial.

I know that sounds insignificant, but it matters because I would not date a blond-haired, blue-eyed man for the rest of my life. And I married a dark-haired dark-eyed man. My second husband was a dark-haired, dark-eyed man. And then my third husband, as I know, I’m starting to heal from broken relationships, from divorces, and marriages that didn’t work, recovering from those wounds. I met my current husband. And guess what? He’s got blue eyes and blonde hair. Not much blond hair because he’s bald. But he would have blonde hair if he wasn’t bald! Blond! Blond-haired, blue-eyed man, go figure!

Why Do I Keep Choosing The Wrong Partner?

I promise that, and that was a promise I made. When contracts have, you made to yourself from that first relationship? Or that last relationship? Or the one just before the last one? What kind of promise did you make? You’re to tell yourself, I’m never going to pick that kind of man again, or this kind of man again, or I’m going to look out for this trigger. Or, I’m going to look out for that, or how do you come to terms with being able to move forward and look for a solid relationship without shooting yourself in the foot? There were probably some nice blond-haired, blue-eyed men out there. And I’ve got to tell you; I got a thing for blond-haired, blue-eyed men. I liked them. I think it’s; they’re very sexy. And, the funny thing is, I wouldn’t marry one or go out with one again after that relationship broke up. So what have you done to yourself, and get to know how those relationships ended? And then what you want to do is, you want to start exploring how you relate to love. How did you connect to love as a child? Again, going back to your parent’s relationship. Do you like the relationship they had? Write down the high points of what they did and the low points of what they did. And if your mother was a single mom, write down how she taught you about love, what love meant to her, and how it translated for you. And if a single father raises you, the same thing is okay. And are you dating people that are just like your parents? Or are you just like one of your parents?

How Do You Know You Deserve A Relationship?

Okay, now you want to ask yourself some of the hard questions. You’ve done this little bit of homework. You don’t do this homework, guys; this isn’t going to work. So do the task. Okay? So, do you deserve an intimate relationship? And is that a yes or no? And if you do, write it down; yes, I earn a personal connection. And now we’ll hear me talk about affirmations and create a commitment to support that. So I deserve a close relationship. Doggone it, I do! I’ve learned so much. And I’ve worked so hard. And I believe in myself, and I love myself. And I look in the mirror and think I’m a little hottie! And yes, I deserve an intimate relationship! Then create an affirmation to support that. Claims once again, first-person present tense, positive statement. Okay, got that?? First-person present tense, positive message. So let me give you an example. So you’re saying yes, oh, I deserve an intimate relationship. Your affirmation might be that I am lovable. And I’m worth knowing. Oh, that’s a good one. That’s directly from Louise Hay. By the way, that quote is a quote from her; she created that affirmation. Then ask yourself, am I afraid to love once you’ve made and done that? Are you? There’s a lot of intuition here, too, and I’m going to go into another exercise, and hopefully, I can fit in. So this isn’t too long for you. Are you afraid to love? Yes or no? And if you say yes, I’m so scared they’ll cheat on me, or I’m afraid they’ll leave me. Or I’m worried I’m not good enough. Or I’m so scared; I’m nervous, I’m worried! Then what you want to do is, if your answer is yes, I’m so scared to love, create an affirmation to counteract that. The claim can always be secure in love. I feel confident when it comes to love. Create your affirmations; I’m just giving you these so that you’ve got some help with it, okay? So, the next step for you is what you criticize yourself for and write down what you berate yourself for doing. This does a whole page. I blame myself for bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, going crazy. And then, on the next page, I praise myself for bang, bang, bang, bang and do the same thing. Take your time doing the praise, one, because many people find it easy to write down the negatives and have a lot of trouble writing down the positives. So what do you criticize yourself for? And what do you praise yourself for?

What Are The First Signs Of True Love?

Now you’ve got a little bit more clarity around who you are; I’m going to give you a different exercise. You want to get four pieces of paper. On the top of one, write the word “emotional.” On the top of the second, “mental,” the third, “physical,” and the fourth, “spiritual.” what you want to do is go to each of those and create a list of your perfect partner. Remember, not your mother’s perfect partner, not your father’s perfect partner, not your friend’s perfect partner, but yours. This is the only you can do this. You can’t even go to somebody else for help with this; you’ve got to do it yourself. So you create a perfect partner. So in the last use physical, I’m a shallow person, I always have been until I started doing spiritual work and became a little deeper, but I was always drawn to the good-looking guys, okay? It was always about physical, and so I ended up in relationships at times that didn’t serve me emotionally or mentally or spiritually. And even in this relationship. I mean, now, there are a few emotionally, mentally and spiritually challenges because I was drawn to his physical aspect because he’s a hottie. Okay, enough of that. All right. So what you want to do is go to the physical, for example, and create a list of all the physical attributes you like about your perfect partner. Some people want a tall or short partner; some like blue or brown eyes. Some prefer to have somebody that’s a bodybuilder type. Somebody like lean tennis player type. I have all the physical attributes, nice teeth, hair, eyes, and dimples. If that matters, muscles, if that matters for a woman, long hair, short hair, if that makes a difference to you, Blondes, brunettes, whatever, however, create that list, and this is for you specifically. And then emotional setpoint, your emotional, perfect partner. What’s the perfect emotional partner look like to you? Do you prefer somebody like me? I don’t know what your relationship is with your family. But maybe you want somebody a little detached from their family because you’re so used to your family, being in your business all the time, and you don’t want that with your partner’s family. Maybe you prefer somebody that’s a little more removed from the family. Maybe you want somebody close to your family. Write it down – that goes in the emotional column. You want loyalty. Of course, you want to love. You want to trust; you want respect, all of those. But play with that list and create it. Same thing with mental. Now mental would include things like their economic status, income, level, and interest – do they like to hike? Do they want just to sit and watch TV all the time? Do they like dogs? Do they like to cook? Are they fun to talk to? Are they interesting? What kind of, what kind of person are you looking for? Somebody without a great education, or you’re looking for somebody that’s just been maybe, maybe they’ve been involved in learning their way up the social ladder and the adult thing. And they never really got a secondary education or, you know, they’re not doctors and lawyers, but they are proficient at what they do. Maybe you prefer somebody on the road a lot, like a long-haul truck driver, that type of personality or character. Maybe you want somebody that is doctor, a lawyer and has a lot of education, some degrees behind them. Identify those and then the spiritual same. You want somebody close to the church, who grew up in a church, and who doesn’t have any kind of connection with the church. Do you want somebody that’s got more of a holistic view? Do you want somebody that likes the idea of talking to psychics? Do you like somebody that is using their intuition or trust their intuition, or even believes in their intuition – it doesn’t matter to you – make that list. So now you’ve got your four lists; it’s going to take you a while to do them, don’t try and do them all in one day. You got your list. Now, take a fresh piece of paper. And on the top of the list, that piece you put, “My Perfect Partner Is.” And then, you list the physical attributes, the emotional, the mental, and the spiritual. And on the bottom of the page, you put, “is on its way to me now. And I’m so excited.” That was a lot of work! And now you can just let go. And you can allow yourself to enjoy this relationship that’s coming to you. And know that that partner is coming to you, and they’re looking for you to put that piece of paper away. Look at it once or twice a week. Let it make you smile, have no expectations; just know that the universe will deliver to you exactly what you’ve got down on that piece of paper. And let me tell you what! That exercise works, okay?

What Does Romance Angel Card Mean?

I promised you that we were going to pick a card. The card I’m picking for you today is from the Romance Angels. And the Romance Angels are kind of interesting. It’s an; it’s all for the people that are madly, crazily in love. And I’m going to pick a card you can all trust and believe in. So here we go. And the card is there are two cards here. I chose two at a time. So all right. So for those of you in relationships already, True Love. This is a romance of a lifetime. Does it feel like it’s broken, and you’re constantly arguing? Then get to work. Work on yourself. First, your relationship will heal some of it. Maybe you’re not supposed to be there forever; I don’t know. But make sure you’re not hurting and hurting yourself and damaging your self-esteem in the process of building a relationship. For those of you, all the rest of you and anybody in a relationship. There’s a card called Free Yourself. It’s time to take back control of your life. Never give away your power, people. It belongs to you. Use your intuition when you attract somebody. Well, sometimes, that’s our intuition speaking loudly. Thanks for popping in! Until next time, Sharyn Rose is signing off. Bye-bye for now.

Outro

Jennifer Gunson 29:21
Thank you for listening to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. If you loved listening to this podcast, we have one little favour to ask you. Please follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Google podcasts. If you love learning from Sharyn, well, she’s got a few excellent courses that are ongoing. Why don’t you register for Kitchen Kitchen? It’s on now! All you have to do for more information is going to: KitchenWitchen.ca. Or if you’d like to book an appointment with Sharyn for reading, or if you’d like to know more about Sharyn, her psychic services, coaching sessions and more workshops, go to: SharynRose.com That Sharyn with a “Y.” we’ll talk to you next time!

Transcribed by https://otter.ai