Episode 60: Why Are You Attracted to Toxic Relationships?
Intro
Jennifer Gunson 0:01
Are you addicted to bad boys or bad girls? We’ll find out in another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose, as she shares 8 points that may show you are addicted to toxic relationships. She also shares ways to overcome the tendency to attract them. Let’s get started.
Why do I crave toxic relationships?
Sharyn 0:23
Hello, and welcome to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose! I want to talk about addiction, a word that’s no longer used around substances, etc. And now it’s substance abuse issues. What I want to talk about is an addiction to toxic people. Do you have people to whom you feel like you’re addicted? And there are ways to know, and you’ll find it because it’s genuine. And it’s a very real struggle. Many people discover that they may end up in a relationship after a relationship. And they can’t find anybody they can count on – depend on. And why do they do that? Why is there a pattern that people tend to pick their significant others that do all these things that make them feel bad about themselves? Now, don’t get me wrong, you’re not addicted. If you’ve only been dating one horrible person, that’s not an addiction or even considered close to that mindset.
Why am I so attached to a toxic person?
So let’s go back to you’ve never been able to find emotional support from a partner; a lot of that kind of mindset, or thinking tends to go to toxic relationships, tend to lean us towards the lifestyle that we developed as we were growing up, healthy relationships begin when you’re a child. And if you haven’t had the kind of healthy relationship you needed as a child, there’s a perfect chance that you will not look for those things you need because you’re not accustomed to having them in the first place. So having emotional support from a partner, if it’s never been a part of your story, you don’t know what that feels like. And you don’t know what that looks like. So you’ll be drawn to significant others who don’t understand you very much and don’t want to listen to you. And so you want to ask yourself, have any of your significant others been kind to you? And actually, listen to you? Or are they there when you need them the most? Have you ever been entirely sure of how supportive any of them would have been if somebody got sick, you got sick, or you were involved in an accident? You know, if you’ve been wondering what would happen if I was to get sick, what would happen to me, if it concerns you and causes anxiety, there’s a good chance you’re addicted to a poor relationship. And the second is you subconsciously seek partners, who always seem to make you feel bad about yourself. So you get to a place in your business, or you get to a place in your where you live or on the meal that you just cooked. Or maybe the bonus you just got at work. And you immediately go to your partner, and you tell them all your good news, and they just put you down, bring you down, treat you like crap. And then you find yourself; they don’t cheer you on. They don’t even support what you’re doing. And, like, who wants to be brought down like that? But we do it to ourselves. And for years. People make others question their self-worth. And so when you’re mistreated, you find yourself wanting them even more and unable to justify why they didn’t think you’re good enough to be treated the right way—and spending a lot of time trying to make yourself perfect so that no one will reject you. It sounds crazy, but that could be what happened to you at home. Psychology Today says another sign of a toxic relationship is when your partner continuously makes you feel stupid. Things they would say like maybe you probably wouldn’t understand it. And so regardless of how your partners have directly brought you down, it’s 100% worth breaking that cycle because if they make you feel stupid, you need to cross out stupid and add smart. Okay?
How do you deserve to be treated in a relationship?
Number 3, your partners often go missing without telling you where or what they’re doing. And they may have some addictive behaviours, like being addicted to sports or gambling or drinking or some other type of addiction. And they have a habit that they lie about and tell you stories about. And it’s pretty shady when they disappear for no reason, and you can’t seem to track them down. Cheating is also another part of this. And we still put up with it. So if you’ve noticed that in many of your relationships, your partner disappears for lengthy periods, and you’ve no clue where or why they’ve gotten worried about it, be concerned, you deserve to be treated with respect, and you deserve to be treated well. Again, according to Psychology Today, this could mean you’re left feeling like you’re out of sight, out of mind. And you know, something that is, we’re butting right up against narcissism here. But we’re not going to go there; I want to deal with these eight issues.
Can you date someone with different morals?
You regularly date people who test your morals. So you’re the excellent girl attracted to the bad guy, the bad boy, or you’re the good boy attracted to the bad girl. If you don’t want to be wrapped up in evil, immoral behaviour that breaks your moral code, you need to break the habit of dating these people. And it’s not only a toxic one, likely, but it could ultimately lead you to big trouble with your health. It could surely damage your health—the problem with the law, and maybe even more.
Is lying toxic in a relationship?
So number 5, you’ve caught more than one person lying about something serious. If you are attracted to people who continually lie, if you have different people in your life, who have come and gone, significant others, and they all seem to come across as liars. Recognize that that is a lack of trustworthiness. And if you look over small lessons, significant lies, and focus on the big ones. Big ones are covering up things like cheating or taking money from you or others who are seriously harming another person, et cetera. These types of relationships are terrible, not only because you’ve set yourself up to be lied to repeatedly by partners in the future, but because it’s not the one; it’s a bunch. Also, it might force you to lie to cover up for them. So when somebody lies to you a lot, it looks like they’re going to get caught. You care for them and will find yourself lying because you’re feeling shame and you’re ashamed of their behaviour. So now you’re caught in that same cycle.
Is it normal for a relationship to make you sad?
Number 6, you pick partners that make you feel sad than happy? What kind of days are you having with your significant others? When do you get into a relationship? You know, I had a friend. And this was a man who I adored; he was just amazing. And whenever he was on his own, he was single; he would be all down in blue a little bit, you know because he didn’t have a relationship. But he was generally happy. And he felt perfect. And his life was perfect. And then, when he got into a relationship, he was like he had a noose around his neck and a ring through his nose; he did not know which way to turn because he gave up his power and let them take over his emotional setpoint. So it means that I mean, you can be sad in a relationship, of course. But if you’re unhappy in most relationships, then you convinced yourself that’s what the way that’s the way people are when they date that many people out there had unhealthy relationships that make them feel truly happy. And when you’re just going through photos of couples on social media, they look genuinely happy. Chances are they are that happy, especially if they’ve chosen the right person. And these people sought out the love they knew they deserved. And you can too.
Why do I enjoy toxic relationships?
Number 7, you’ve never experienced true compromise in a relationship. This is huge. Somebody who is toxic that you’ve been going to, and this is, again, on over and over. But you’ve never had a relationship where you felt like they would meet you halfway. There are people addicted to toxic relationships that when they do start to date if they’re not ready, they haven’t gotten over their insecurities. They’ll meet somebody who will compromise in the relationship and meet them halfway, but they will pump them to the curb. They won’t accept that person because they’re used to being treated poorly. And there are good people out there that you can draw to you, but they won’t stick around. Suppose you’re asking them to treat you poorly if they’re people that don’t want to mistreat you. And it might just be another hit on your confidence as you’re wondering what prevents other people from meeting you halfway when you are in a relationship with no compromise. Relationships are all about compromise. It’s just what relationships are. You meet each other halfway. You don’t fret. You don’t think you should worry, but a lack of compromise on your partner’s end is vast and can lead to disaster.
What is physical and emotional abuse?
Number 8, the last one! You faced emotional or physical abuse on multiple occasions. This is very, very dangerous. And it’s not to be taken lightly. It should be something we should never accept time and again in a relationship. If you’ve been in an abusive relationship, whether emotionally or physically, and you made it out of that relationship, it’s unbelievably brave and something that should make you feel strong. However, if you feel yourself getting into another similar relationship, remind yourself what you’re worth, and get out immediately.
How is the cycle of abuse broken?
Now, we’ve come to terms with those being addicted to bad relationships and what the signs are. How do we break the cycle? What is it that we need to do? And there are some things that, first of all, if it’s a current partner mistreating you, it’s time to officially cut ties. How do you do that? That’s hard; that can be very, very challenging. And it can bring people to a place where they’re just going to say, it’s easier to be where I’m familiar than to try and change and go on. What if I’m alone for the rest of my life? What if, what if, what if, what if… But it’s easier said than done to end the relationship. Realize even though how happy you’ll be in the end when you’ve landed in a relationship that makes you feel perfect about yourself. Psychology Today says the better we understand ourselves, the better we’ll be able to choose partners who support us just as we keep them. So at this point, you’ll finally be able to go after people who are right for you. Moving forward, what you might want to consider doing is to start trying to keep notes keep a journal; journaling can provide a few benefits; you’re looking to disconnect from a toxic relationship, including a written reminder, so if you journal about the stuff that’s gone wrong, if you have a written reminder that you can go back to. It tells you why you’re leaving the relationship when you feel like reconsidering. So if you’re thinking of getting out, maybe a written, something you wrote that talks about, hey, this is not a good place for me to be, will spur you on and help you make that decision or stick to it, allow you to reconnect with yourself. You can establish a clear vision of your goals and dreams by writing a journal. And it can also help you identify and process difficult emotions. Substance abuse is not people; people are not a substance. So these types of addictions, where the word addiction is applied here, are very different than when we’re talking about substance abuse. Okay? Another tip for you is to consider reconnecting with a hobby or a goal, something that you would like to use to want to do, that you gave up in pursuit of these people that needed you so much and that you were trying so hard to please. If you feel disconnected from yourself, maybe you liked music, were an artist, or wanted to dance, look for what motivates you and your potential areas of interest. And when you find an answer, consider dedicating time daily to explore that hobby or work towards your goal. This will help you pull your self-esteem back into a place that will be good for you. Somatic therapy is another option over dependency; a partner can be maladaptive and unproductive in coping with complex motions. So somatic therapy might be a way to go, and you may want to find a bodily therapist that can, really a trained therapist, try to work through these different needs that you might have in developing emotional regulation skills. And physical therapy can work for you by striving for inner child work; this can do some good inner child work focusing on reconnecting with your inner child to help you overcome emotional dependency in relationships. Remember, I did say that our inability to connect to healthy, wholesome relationships comes from our childhood relationships. And it’s a lot of work, but it’s worth it. If you can get past that faith or belief that you have in yourself as not being worthy. Being able to address those feelings of shame that you developed as a child or developing some self-compassion to work through these emotions and, again, trauma. Trauma bonding is tremendous there too. But a trauma-informed therapist can guide you through the process of inner child work. You can also practice some aspects of it on your own. Consider a support group. Many people are interested in joining support groups, and you might find a local group with the concept of love addiction or whatnot. That’s a little harder, I think, to find, but different therapy forms can help. So although addiction to a person isn’t a formal medical diagnosis, it’s possible to fall into a pattern of emotional dependency on others. Breaking out of this relationship pattern can be difficult. And it often means getting to the root of what’s causing your dependence. Many people would struggle with PTSD if they faced difficult childhood situations. And PTSD itself causes some dependency. So it may be you just aren’t haven’t learned ever how to healthy, have healthy emotional regulation strategies, patience, patience, be patient, and be self-compassion; it can
How do you open your heart to receive love?
Okay, so I hope that will help you a little bit. But you know, don’t hesitate, don’t hesitate at any point ever to find a therapist. Don’t hesitate because they’re an excellent therapy; nothing can replace them. And it can make a huge difference for you. I picked a couple of cards from the romance angels and have two of them here. And one of them is called Flirt. And it says, “Extend your light-hearted energy to others. When you do that, if it’s not reciprocated, walk away.” Walk away if you extend your light-hearted energy to others, and they poopoo on your parade. Walk away, maybe run. Run away. And the next card is, “It’s safe for you to love.” Open your heart to give and receive the highest energy of all, which is love. Allow yourself to receive love. Don’t feel like you haven’t got a choice. Don’t feel like you must settle for being treated as less than okay. So be good to yourself. Treat yourself with respect. Thank you for popping in. I hope this gives you a little bit of guidance. And I look forward to talking to you again next time. Namaste. And I’ll see you again from Sharyn Rose.
Outro
Jennifer Gunson 17:06
Thank you for listening to another episode of Medium Well with Psychic Sharyn Rose. If you love listening to this podcast, we have one little favour to ask you. Please follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Google podcasts. If you love learning from Sharyn, she has a few ongoing courses. Why don’t you register for Kitchen Witchen? It’s on now! All you have to do for more information is going to kitchenwitchen.ca. Or if you’d like to book an appointment with Sharyn for a reading, or if you’d like to know more about Sharyn, her psychic services, coaching sessions and more workshops, go to Sharynrose.com. That’s Sharyn with a “Y.” We’ll talk to you next time.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai