Feb 2008 Giggles and Chuckles
An Alberta cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.
‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.
‘Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a
gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them
to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest
and most heavily tattooed biker and punched him in his face, ripped out
his nose ring, and threw it on the ground,and kicked his bike over.
Then I yelled, ‘Now, back off…or I’ll kick the *&#@ out of all of you!’
St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?’
The cowboy said……’Just a couple minutes ago…’
***************************
One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. The little one was maybe one and a half years old. Someone had given her a little tea set as a gift and it was one of her favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought Daddy a little cup of ‘tea’, which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was ‘just the cutest thing!’
Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, ‘Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?’
*****************************
Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. “No way am I getting on an airplane,” was the inevitable answer.
“Look, Mom, when it’s your time to go, it doesn’t matter if you’re on the ground or in the air.”
“I know,” said her mother. “I just don’t want to be that far off the ground when it’s the pilot’s time to go.”
****************************
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, “I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.
In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis…
When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again.”
The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, “What’s his wife’s name?”
Her husband said, “I’m not sure, but I think it’s Veranda.”
*****************************
Over dinner, Jill said to John, “I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” John asked, very concerned.
Jill said, “Well, we met by accident. I hit him with the car.”
***************************