February 2009 Chuckles and Giggles
After I asked for a half-pound trout fillet at my super-
market’s seafood counter, the clerk picked one out of a pile
and set it on the scale. It weighed precisely eight ounces.
Impressed, I asked, “How did you know which one to pick?”
Looking pleased with himself, he declared, “I’m psychotic.”
Panicking when her toddler swallowed a tiny magnet; my
sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room.
“He’ll be fine,” the doctor promised her. “The magnet should
pass through his system in a day or two.”
“How will I be sure?” she pressed.
“Well,” the doctor suggested, “you could stick him on the
refrigerator. When he falls off, you’ll know.”
Our first day at a resort my wife and I decided to hit the
beach. When I went back to our room to get something to
drink, one of the hotel maids was making our bed. I grabbed
my cooler and was on my way out when I paused and asked,
“Can we drink beer on the beach?”
“Sure,” she said, “but I have to finish the rest of the
My partner and I pulled our police cruiser up behind a car
stopped on the shoulder of the highway. We got out and asked
the driver if we could help. No, he replied, there was no
trouble; he had just stopped to look at a map. When we turned
back, we noticed that his German shepherd had jumped in the
open passenger-side front window of our car.
“You may think there’s no trouble,” I smiled, “but your dog
obviously thinks he’s done something wrong. He’s in our patrol
He laughed. “He probably thinks you’ve come to take him to
work,” he replied. “He’s a retired police dog.”
She had been thinking about coloring her hair. One day while
going through a magazine, she came across an ad for a hair
coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair
a shade that she liked.
Wanting a second opinion, she asked her husband, “How do you
think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?”
He looked at the picture, crumbled it up, straightened it
out and studied it again. “Just great, hon.”
Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter
hit with all its fury. “I wonder if the car has seat warmers,”
“It sure does,” said Sam, looking through the owner’s manual.
“Here it is…rear defrosters.”
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, “What
kinds of ice cream do you have?”
“Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry,” the girl wheezed as she
spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
“Do you have laryngitis?” the man asked sympathetically.
“Nope,” she whispered, “just vanilla, chocolate and straw-