Giggles and Chuckles Galore
That’s Not My Job
This is a story told about four people named, Somebody, Everybody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was one important job to be done.
Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about it because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it. Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.
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“Mom,” said the little girl, “Is it alright to say you are
going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of
water?”
“Yes,” said her mother, “that is the correct thing to say.”
“Well then, I’m going to milk the cat.”
*********************
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with
the collections.
One Sunday he announced, “Now, before we pass the collection
plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the
chickens from Farmer Condill’s henhouse please refrain from
giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn’t want money
from a thief!”
The collection plate was passed around, and for the first
time in months everybody gave.
********************
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
“If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
‘Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.’
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
“Ryan, you be Jesus!”
********************
A contestant on “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” had reached the final plateau. If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $32,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected, the million-dollar question was no pushover.
Which of the following species of birds does not build its own nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
A. the condor
B. the buzzard
C. the cuckoo
D. the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. To make matters worse, she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her Audience Poll Lifeline.
All that remained was her Phone-a-Friend Lifeline, and the woman had hoped against hope that she would not have to use it, mainly because the only friend that she knew would be home happened to be a blonde. But the contestant had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blonde responded unhesitatingly:
“That’s easy. The answer is C: The cuckoo.”
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered employing a reverse strategy and giving Regis any answer except the one that her friend had given her. Considering that her friend was a blonde that would seem to be the logical thing to do. On the other hand – the blonde had responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
“I need an answer,” said Regis. Crossing her fingers, the contestant said,
“C: The cuckoo.”
“Is that your final answer?” asked Regis.
“Yes, that is my final answer.”
Two minutes later, Regis said, “I regret to inform you that that answer is… absolutely correct. You are now a millionaire!”
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends – including the blonde who had helped her win the million dollars.
“Jenny, I just do not know how to thank you,” said the contestant. “Because you knew the answer to that final question, I am now a millionaire. And do you want to know something? It was the assuredness with which you answered the question that convinced me to go with your choice. By the way… how did you happen to know the right answer?”
“Oh, come on,” said the blonde “Everybody knows that cuckoos don’t build nests. They live in clocks.”
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WISHING YOU A HAPPY, SMILING AND ENTERTAINING DAY!