Giggles and Chuckles Jan 2010
I promise you cannot read these and
not laugh …..
These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district .
Spellings have been left intact…..
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take PE today. Please
execute him.
2. Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and i had her shot.
3. Dear school: please ecsc’s john being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32
and also 33.
4. Please excuse gloria from jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse roland from p.e. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of
a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was
hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by
very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse ray friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Lesli from being absent yesterday. She had diahre
dyrea direathe the shits.
12. Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and
his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because i
don’t know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get
the sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. We thought it
was sunday.
17. Sally won’t be in school a week from friday. We have to attend her
funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
weekend with the marines.
19.. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and
could not breed well.
20. Please excuse mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with
gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
22. Please excuse brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent december 11-16, because she had a fever,
sorethroat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever an
sore throat , her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I
wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something
going around, her father even got hot last night.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids
*******************************
My dear friend, a divorcee, never remarried, and her
daughter wanted to know why.
“The men I know would bring too much heavy baggage to the
marriage and I simply don’t want to put up with it,” she
explained.
Taking her mother’s hand in hers, my friend’s daughter
said sweetly, “I hate to break the news to you, Mom, but
you’re not exactly carry-on yourself.”
**************************
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s
Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast
in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to
investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating
bacon and eggs.
“It’s a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided
to cook our own breakfast.”
************************
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his
children and immediately started to assemble it with all the
neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it.
After several hours of reading the directions, attempting
to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and
called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard.
The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in
a short while had the set completely assembled.
It’s beyond me,” said the father, “how you got it together
without even reading instructions.”
“To tell the truth,” replied the old-timer, “I can’t read,
and when you can’t read, you’ve got to think.”
**********************
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the
gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s how the fight started…..
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I asked my wife, ‘Where do you want to go for our anniversary?’
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
‘Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!’ she said.
So I suggested, ‘How about the kitchen?’
And that’s when the fight started….
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we werere
in bed. I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said, ‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying ‘Yes.’
So I said, ‘Then I’d like to phone a friend.’
And that’s when the fight started….
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first..
‘I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.’
He said, ‘Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?’
‘Nah, she can order for herself.’
And that’s when the fight started…..
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming ==================================================================== My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school ‘Yes,’ she sighed, ‘ He’s my old boyfriend… And then the fight started…. =========================================================== I rear-ended a car this morning… So, there we were ============================================================================ THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp |