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11
Mar

0
The Funnies, Jokes, and stuff with Laugh Appeal!!

The Funnies, Jokes, and stuff with Laugh Appeal!!

I have noticed when I add the chuckles and giggles to the newsletters and bulletins, they are usually read first by my readers. After they have read the funny stuff, they will go through the rest of the information and news. When I started the newsletters, I felt it was important to lighten everyone’s day by including anecdotes and stories or jokes that make us all smile and forget for a minute the challenges we have in our lives.
I also discovered something about myself today view it. I just received my new copy of Readers Digest in the mail and what did I do? I grabbed a cup of tea and sat with the little magazine, reading.. – you guessed it… all the sections that have funnies and jokes. Of course I can’t include those particular giggles in my newsletters as they are copy-write, but I realized that I love a good chuckle just as much as anyone else. So, for those of you who go straight to the funny stuff – good for you, I am glad you enjoy a good chuckle as much as I do! For your enjoyment, here are a few more….

Cheap Therapy

Joan went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” she said, “I’ve got big troubles. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somebody under it. Am I going crazy?”??
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink, “Come to me three times a week, and I’ll cure your fears.” ??
“How much do you charge?” ?”A hundred dollars per visit.” ??
“I’ll sleep on it,” said Joan. six months later the doctor met Joan on the street.?
“Why didn’t you ever come to see me again?” asked the psychiatrist.??
“For a hundred bucks a visit? No way! Instead, I went on one of those ‘Dude Ranch’ vacations, and an old cowboy cured me for the price of a bottle of whiskey.” ??
“Is that so.. How?”??
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed!
Ain’t nobody under there now!!!”?

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn’t find a space with a meter. ?Then he put a note under ?the windshield wiper that read: ??
“I have circled the block 10 times.?If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my ?appointment.?FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES.”??
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note.??
“I’ve circled this block for 10 ?years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. ??Lead Us Not Into Temptation.”

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**A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff.  He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became to much and he could go no farther. 
He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. ?
Finally, a guy in a Corvette pulled over and offered him a ride.  Of course, the bike wouldn’t fit in the car. 
The owner of the Corvette found a piece of rope lying by the highway, and tied it to his bumper. 
He then tied the other end to the bike and told the rider that he would drive slow. 
Everything went fine for the first 30 miles.
  ?
Suddenly, another Corvette blew past them. Not to be outdone, the Corvette pulling the bike took off after the other. 
 
A short distance down the road, the Corvettes, both going well over 120 mph, blew through a speed trap. 
The police officer noted the speeds from his radar gun and radioed ahead to the another officer that he had two Corvettes headed his way at over 120 mph. ?? He then relayed,? 
   

?”…and you’re not going to believe this, but there’s a guy on a 10 speed bike yelling to pass.”

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On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”
A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”
______
A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
“how did you know?” his mother asked.
“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.
______
A father was helping one of his little twins say his evening prayers. “Bless us to be good so we can return unto Thee.”
“Bless us to be good so we can turn on the TV.”
______
Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot.
She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”
He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. I KNOW they’re my feet.”

**************
A young boy had just?gotten his driving permit.?He asked his father,?who was a minister,?if they could discuss his use?of the family car.

His father said to him,?”I’ll make a deal with you.?You bring your grades up,?study your bible a little,?and get your hair cut,?then we will talk about it.”

A month later the boy came back?and again asked his father if?they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said, “Son,?I’m real proud of you.?You have brought your grades up,?you’ve studied your bible diligently,?but you didn’t get a hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment?and replied,
“You know dad,?I’ve been thinking about that.?You know Samson had long hair,?Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair,?and even Jesus had long hair.”

 His father replied,?”Yes son,?and they walked everywhere they went!”
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I hope these made you smile a little…. until next time,
Smiles to you from Sharyn